I've been thinking often about what I would say to you if you walked into the back door. I know that I would cry, for crying is what I do best these days. I am angry at you for many things. I think I've been angry with you since the first day you got sick. I wish I had been a better wife in the face of illness, I messed that up over and over. I was so out of my element, something I never expected, never wanted to happen, and I know you didn't want that to happen either. That's what so damn sad, it wasn't your fault or mine. But what was your fault, what I blame you for the most, is that you left this Earth without saying goodbye. You left without telling me how to do things, how to manage. I've felt abandoned, an orphan even. You wouldn't even tell me about any insurance policy. I had to find it by myself.
