Don't Go In The Basement

 Back in the 70's I spent a lot of time at Prestonsburg Elementary.  School days back then were simpler than they are now.  We didn't have smart phones or computers and if a teacher needed something she would send a kid as a messenger.  Now every kid, including me, loved to get sent on an errand run, the trip might even take you in to town on a lunch run!  As the child of Joe Burke, owner of Korner Drug, I got sent out a lot and it was so cool.  I might be sent on a run that lasted an hour and would get to miss math time which I hated.  But sometimes the errand might not be so fun.  Sometimes a teacher might send you to the basement to get Denver.  Denver was our custodian, jack of all trades, janitor, handy man - you name it, Denver did it. The staff at Prestonsburg Elementary depended a great deal on Denver.  Denver loved all of us kids, we weren't afraid of Denver but we were scared of the basement. The basement was inherently dark and musty.  The building above shifted and groaned from the weight of 400 kids and teachers so the popping and cracking sounds in the basement were often scary, loud and unexpected.  Also in the hallway of the basement was the furnace.  The furnace was visible from the hallway through a archway that were covered with thick bars that reminded me of prison bars.  As kids we were often told ghost stories and those bars were featured in every single one.   Some said that the building used to be an insane asylum.  One story was that there was a man in town who had been accused of murdering Muriel Baldridge and that he was kept in the basement.  I remember one story of a Nazi who had been captured in Prestonsburg and taken to the basement where he starved to death.  The stories were the stories of darkness and the stories of children. The cheeriness of the rooms, the smell of chalk and pencils and crayons were directly opposite of the spirits in the basement.  I didn't like to go in the basement.  

In the year 2012 the grade school building had been abandoned for several years and was sold.  Soon the building would be gone forever so I was granted permission to go inside and photograph it.  As I went in the main doors by the office I was transformed in to a 9 year old again.  In my mind I could hear children laughing and talking.  I could smell cigarette smoke and mimeograph fluid from the teacher's lounge and in my mind's eye I could see Mr. Tackett.  I even went in the old office and looked for the electric paddle but I couldn't find it.  I shot pictures of the offices and lounge and I even went in to the girls room and shot the low toilets, perfect for a 9 year old little girl.  I walked the hallway and then walked around the auditorium.  Again memories came flooding back; the magic shows that we paid a quarter to see.  The show that came every year that had a scary marionette face at the top of the curtain that would suddenly come to life at random times and make us all jump.  I thought of the choral performances and Miss Frazier pounding on the piano, "No, no, no!" The old wooden floors squeaked when I walked and I could smell the mustiness.  I walked in to the first floor classrooms and some of the walls still had educational posters up and lessons on the chalkboards.  It was eerie and I got my first feelings of uneasiness.  It was like something shifted.  I walked upstairs to the 7th and 8th grade rooms and had memories of some favorite teachers and some not so favorite ones.  I remembered Mrs. Bennett and Mrs. Fitch and Mrs. Hatfield.  Then I went in to the library and found there were still books on the shelves and cards in the card file.  

And then it was time to go down in the basement.  I didn't want to go and I told myself, "You've shot all the classrooms, the offices, the bathrooms, the library", you don't have to go down there."  I knew though that in order to tell a complete story I had to go down to the basement.  So with much trepidation I started down those brown painted stairs.  Even with the lights on, it was dark down there.  And quiet. And creepy. The air was the stalest down here and I could hear rats. Almost immediately I walked in to a huge spider web which sent chills up my spine.  At each end of the hallway when you walked down the stairs there were 2 classrooms and those classrooms were separated from the rest of the hallway with walls and a small door.  So when you stepped through the doorway you were in the scary and dark part of the basement and that was where Denver worked.  He had a little wicker chair and he would sit in that hallway and lean that chair back up against the bumpy blocks that made up the hallway. I walked through the door and decided I would snap just one picture of the archway with bars because it was a talking point of us kids.  I walked with fast feet, my finger already on my shutter, toward the middle of the long hallway when I heard a door slam behind me followed by another door slamming in front of me. The dark hallway was blocked. Black as a moonless night in an evil forest it was. Terror filled my soul and I felt my heart pound and my stomach lurch.  There was no time for a picture, I had to get out of there fast!  In the dead darkness I heard a tool slowly start to pound on a pipe.  At that sound a gasp escaped my mouth and my feet were frozen in place as I could hear faint noises from all around me.  Even if I could have ran, I wouldn't know which direction to run to!  Then I smelled gas and I knew that whatever controlled the basement was going to kill me with poison.  I saw a faint light and could see some flames behind the archway bars.  The being had turned the gas on the old furnace. Suddenly a cold wind blew past me and I knew I was in the presence of evil.  I had to run for my life  I turned right and ran like hell toward where my mind remembered the little wooden door.  And something made me stop in my tracks and turn.  I saw two lights, one light was red and hot and the other one was blue and cool.  The two lights were alive and they started to wrestle. The red and blue ghost-like lights were so fast and as they knotted up they appeared purple. The beings engaged in a battle no human could endure.  I heard moans and screams filled with rage and power.  It was good and evil, heaven and hell.  I felt my stomach heave and my legs quiver in sheer and utter terror.  The odor of gas was getting stronger and I was starting to feel faint and sleepy.  I knew I needed oxygen so I dropped to my knees and crawled, found the door and opened it.  When that somewhat fresh air hit my face I was instantly revived and filled with the energy to run up those stairs.   I turned to look one last time in to the basement and I could see that the red light was diminishing and the blue one was stronger.  Then I heard a voice.  It said, "Have you ever been whooped by Mr. Tackett?"  I knew then that the spirit of Denver had saved me.  

2020

 On March 11, 2020, the United States declared a national emergency due to Covid 19.  Here is my perspective.

March 2020

It's March 2020 and for my family the days are very busy.   Ryan is wrestling practically every weekend; Delainey's dance team is competing regularly and we are going to Lexington often to babysit Cameron.   In fact the weekend of March 13 we are divided 3 ways.  Don is going to take Ryan to a wrestling camp in Point Pleasant West Virginia and Matt, Jennifer and Lainey are going to a big dance competition in Gatlinburg Tennessee.  Lauren has gotten Joey a wonderful present; they are going to Charlotte North Carolina to a Lakers game and I'm going to keep Cam and the dogs.   But there's trouble on the horizon, talk of a virus.  It's called Coronavirus.   One of my coping mechanisms that has developed over the years is that I don't watch the news, I don't listen to the news, I don't talk about the news.   But even I had heard that there was some weird virus that had entered our country from China.  As I pass through a normal day, I try to tune out conversations between others at work about this new problem overseas. Afterall, it's something that won't be affecting me, so why worry, right? I guess I'm like an ostrich who buries her head in the sand.  I heard that it began by people from China selling and eating bats!  This is crazy!  So as the week progressed toward the busy weekend we started to hear of cases now in America.  I was hearing of national events being cancelled.  March is the month of March Madness and Kentucky basketball is always in the NCAA tournament.  College basketball is being postponed for now.  No March Madness.  Of course we started to wonder midweek about the events for our family for the upcoming weekend.  Chatter was rapid on Facebook between dance moms; "Do we go?   Do we cancel?  Can we get our money back?"   By midweek Jody Shepherd at Dance Etc. was tormented by the decision whether to travel or cancel, but finally sadly announced that Dance Etc. would not be traveling to Gatlinburg for the dance competition.   Jennifer and Matt decided that Ryan would not be going to the wrestling camp.   Then the announcement was made that the NBA was cancelling all games, so Joey and Lauren's fun weekend isn't going to happen.   And in a blink of an eye, our lives have changed.  This can't be real, it's happening so fast, like dominoes falling. At least I had the comfort of knowing that I live in a very small town.  Surely this will go away and only the larger cities like NYC will be affected.  At the time I was working at Frontier Behavioral Health, a treatment clinic for drug addiction.  When I walked in the back door on Monday the next week, I could feel the nervous energy among my co-workers, I could hear their chatter.  Management announced we were to have an immediate staff meeting.  We were told that somehow we were to transition to seeing patients virtually.  We would be reaching out to over 300 patients by telephone. Moans and groans were heard from those in attendance.  Management would be devising patient instructional handouts. We would be taking temperatures daily of staff and patients and we were given masks and gloves to wear.  The managers told us that medical supplies were already in short supply nationwide as stockpiling had begun. Instantly medical supply companies were overrun with request for gloves, masks, Lysol, and hand sanitizer.  These medical supplies were suddenly in high demand and short supply.  Companies who sold such supplies started to funnel these items to the areas of the country most affected to protect the front line medical workers.  Small facilities here in Prestonsburg were at the bottom of the supply chain, so we were instructed to re-use our gloves unless soiled and wash them in hot soapy water. Pop up tents that are traditionally used for football game tailgate parties are now highly sought after for check in stations at physician's offices.   The government instructed everyone to clean constantly with Lysol and wash our hands with soap and warm water for at least 20 seconds, and do it often.  We were advised also not to touch our faces.   I felt so scared.  I have a vivid imagination and to me I could imagine it like a fog wafted in to our valley, slinking through random doors, missing one family and hitting their neighbor.  The masks were hard to wear, they were hot and made my glasses fog.  On morning during those early days, I took my temperature shortly after I arrived for work and I had a temperature of 100 degrees.  I called Don to tell him that I had a fever.  Now realize this; Floyd County had no cases at that point, and I doubt that Kentucky had many if any at all.  During a quick call to the medical office I was asked if I had a mask on and my interpretation was that they were questioning me whether I was practicing safe work habits, but they informed me that the mask would make my temperature appear to be elevated.  My temperature was normal and I had scared Don and myself to death.  Things rapidly changed at work.  We were told that we would be seeing patients virtually starting ASAP.  Now how in the world were we supposed to see people with drug addiction, very little resources, probably no internet service virtually?  The patients were freaked out and we were freaked out.  Patients had strong reactions, we were cursed and yelled at.  People relapsed. The bottom line on this was that we had no choice, the world had suddenly become incredibly dangerous.  Little by little, we taught each and every patient how to call in to speak with their provider or counselor.  Somehow we made the transition after hundreds of phone calls to patients and McGiver-ing the technology.  Sleep became impossible for me, my worry for Don, Jennifer, Matt, Ryan, Delainey, Joey, Lauren and Cameron was at a panic level.   Johnson County had called off school so Jennifer and Matt and the kids were quarantining, so I didn't worry as much about them.   On March 12th the President spoke and in simple terms told us that everything that was non essential was shutting down.   Hair salons were to close at 5pm that day.  So were restaurants, stores, malls, movie theaters, dog groomers. Essential businesses could remain open.  Places like grocery stores, Wal-Mart, drug stores, and believe it or not, liquor stores could stay open.  They did have to alter their store hours to allow for extra cleaning and disinfecting.   The shut down happened quick.  A co-worker had a hair appointment at 5pm and her hair dresser told her that she would still color her hair.  Then a few minutes later the hair dresser called back and said that she could not do her hair, that the door had to be locked at 5pm.  It was such an eerie feeling, it felt like the end of the world.  Prestonsburg was a ghost town, the streets were empty.  No wonder there was panic!  There would be no dance recital this year in May. No French Open and no NCAA basketball. Broadway went dark in NYC. The arenas would be dark, void of fans and athletes. Everything stopped, frozen in place.  We were to wear masks, told not to touch our faces and wash our hands or use hand sanitizers often. Church services were cancelled across denominations.  Grocery stores were madhouses.   Items such as cleaning supplies, toilet paper, hand sanitizer, Lysol were impossible to get.  The shelves were bare, prices soared upward on everything. Suddenly we were shopping for face masks,  "What's the best kind to look for?" we wondered. A church member passed away.  It was one of those sudden unexpected events that ripped us part.  Then we found out that the family wasn't allowed to have a funeral.  It was very hard to stomach the thought that our loved ones, our friends and neighbors were just simply gone.  Life in a plastic bubble was strange.  It was so hard to learn how to breathe normally wearing a mask,  my glasses fogged up and I felt claustrophobic.  We needed plastic gloves and we needed hand sanitizer.  All these things were hard to find.  Amazon was selling Lysol for 50 bucks a can! For someone like me who has a vivid imagination and great anxiety always, I was in bad shape.  I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and cried all the time.  Dr. Bailey told me that this thing was not going to be a short two week thing, that this was very serious and we could be living like this for months.  Months???   Months!!! As we transitioned to virtual visits at work, some employees were allowed to work from home if possible. Several times I got to work from home.  The phone calls were transferred to our home number and I would answer from the comfort of my couch. I was now calling in dozens of prescriptions instead of copying them.  It was home but it was hard!  Don also started doing his daily routine at home.  I felt much safer at home.  Logically I knew that we caught colds and viruses from each other, but never before had we lived our lives with this thought in the forefront of our thinking.  This new life brought us a big problem, how do we babysit Cam?  Travel restrictions were in place, we were told only essential travel was allowed.  Is it safe for Don to go to Lexington?  We didn't know what to do so after much thought and discussion, we decided the best course of action was for me to go to Joey and Lauren's house alone and make Pop stay home.  Once I pulled into their driveway, I didn't leave until it was time to return home. I took Pepsi and the essentials of life with me.  No trips to Chick-Fil-A, no trips to the library.  It ripped us apart.  To see Jennifer, Matt, Ryan and Lainey we would do drive bys and they would come and stand on the porch and we would talk to them and see their beautiful faces.  But it was awkward and still pretty cold outside so our visits were short.  The funny thing is, in retrospect, we had zero cases here at the time.  But we behaved as a society as if there was a black cloud of virus spreading over our little town and people hurried to and fro, ducking and dodging.  My natural paranoia kicked in and it kept me from sleeping.  I noticed an increase in the frequency of the trains coming and going on the tracks and I started to imagine all sorts of scary situations that would cause the government to use the railway system to stockpile goods.  It was a terrible way to live, but we were so hopeful that it would end soon. The recommendations from the Health Department which were distributed everywhere:  stay home!  If you can't stay home, wear a mask, don't touch your face, wash your hands with hot, soapy water for at least 20 seconds and do it often, use hand sanitizer. TV stations started airing commercials often about Corona Virus recommendations.  Each commercial was terrifying and had accompanying ominous music.  Restaurant commercials changed too.  Contactless pick up and delivery was the new thing.  The new buzzphrase was "social distancing".   According to the Floyd County Health Department, Floyd County has not reported any Coronavirus cases.  But it seems to be creeping closer to us.

In my imagination I see this virus as a fog seeping into our lives and towns.  I can see it coming over the hills like a blanket and settling in, tendrils of fog wafting through the air and drifting through our windows and doors. And our hearts.   They say the shutdown will last 2 weeks, surely we can survive just 2 weeks, can't we?

April 2020

Spring is starting to warm our days as the sun stays with us a little bit longer each day.  If I sit outside I can look around and forget what hell we are in.  The geese are still in the sky, paired up two by two.  Daffodils and tulips are blooming. My bluebirds are back working on their nest in the bluebird house.   I had put up a new house, so they have two to choose from.  I watched them flit from house to house as they size them up.  Life seems normal.  But the news just kept getting worse.  More cases were being reported, New York City was in turmoil as were other major cities. The hospitals in these major cities were above capacity level, people were dying.  In my little town we were shut down but there weren't any cases here.  With some luck our isolated community would be free of this virus.   Here in P-burg, the virus changed everything we did to survive.   Food City online pickup service was inundated with orders.   Planning ahead was essential because it was usually a 3 or 4 day wait for a grocery pickup.  Chocolate was at the top of our grocery list! And a lot of the items you wanted were out of stock.  My biggest worry, well one of them because I had many, was Murphy's dog food.  I simply didn't want to run short of that.  Everything was cancelled, schools, churches, dentist appointments, dermatology appointments, anything that was not life and death.  Movie theaters shut down.   Governor Beshear started to hold daily press conferences.  He reiterated every day that we should not travel anywhere.  He would go over the case numbers for the state, and talk about instances where events were reported to the state that were unacceptable, large gatherings for instance.   His buzz phrase was "we can't be doing that".  Grocery stores were still open with shorter hours to allow for extra cleaning time.   Stickers were placed on the floor showing six-foot distances to stand in line.  You were to shop in one-way aisles. Masks were mandatory at all locations.  The news reported many incidences of fights in grocery stores between shoppers who went crazy on other shoppers who weren't being compliant with the mask mandate. Restaurants with drive throughs could serve food through the drive through window. But my worry centered on the cooks in the restaurants, what if they were sick?  I read that if you ordered food from a restaurant to put it in the oven to use heat to kill the germs.  We started to use Lysol wipes to wipe down all the items we bought in the stores, figured that would kill any virus spores on surfaces.  There were no public places where you could pee.  A Facebook post recommended that people put teddy bears in their windows so that parents could take their children on drives to spot the bears. I guess it was a fun game for families with small children, but we didn't participate.  My heart was too broken.  One Saturday afternoon Prestonsburg had a parade, classic cars and they drove through every neighborhood.  It was so emotional for me, I cried and cried.  Community Methodist Church has always been my church, and we couldn't even go to church to seek solace and comfort.  As this season of our life lingered, area churches started ringing their church bells at 10 am each and every day as a reminder that God is in control and that the churches are still here.  It was great comfort each day to hear the church bells sound throughout Prestonsburg.  Easter Sunday was April 12th, but we couldn't have our usual Easter service this year.  There will not be a sunrise service even though the sun continues to rise.  We will not be singing "He Lives!" in unison, we will not verbally agree, "He is risen indeed!"  Instead, we listen to Pastor Carwell using Facebook live.  I cannot imagine what my mother would think about this.  I cannot comprehend her reaction to this new type of life.  The Leslie Burke Memorial Easter Egg Hunt will not be held.  We've had Community Methodist's Easter egg hunt in our yard since the 1950's.  No little children dressed up in their finest; no giggling, excited kids sitting in the pews.  It's just another hit on a long list of hits.  The terror is still very real, oh but the numbness of it all is starting to cover me like a quilt.   On April 13 I lost my job.  I walked home from Cliff in a steady rain, confused, scared and unsure of everything.  I hated my job but I had to work.  I was lost.  I signed up on unemployment, found out that I would actually make more money on unemployment and a new different life began.  I spent my days working around my house and I started in earnest to learn how to quilt.  I had bought a sewing machine, a very nice one, in February.  That was a gift from God! Learning how to cut precise sizes of fabric somehow filled my mind and helped me focus on what I was doing instead of the world around me.  I decided to plant a big flower garden to attract monarch butterflies.  We planted 3 giant sunflower seeds - one for Cameron, Delainey, and Ryan, zinnia seeds and bought other flowering plants at the greenhouse.  Even a trip to the greenhouse brought fear to me.  I remember darting amongst the greenhouses picking out plants trying to avoid strangers.  Of course, I was depressed to lose my job.  It was hard not to dwell on it and worry about how in this new world a 60-year-old woman could find a job in Eastern Kentucky. On April 14th the Health Department announced that Floyd County's first case has been reported. This was terrible news for me.  Our hills, our remote location, our way of life was not going to protect us.  We now had to assume every person we met at a gas station or grocery store was potentially deadly to us. On April 24th, Community Methodist Church had its first Drive in Church Service.  We had to stay in our cars and tune to a particular FM radio station.  Imagine sitting in your car listening to your Pastor preach.  You can see him standing on a small platform under a white pop-up tent.  You can see your church families parked in their cars, but you can't touch them or speak to them.  It was in many ways more painful than no church service at all.  It was mind numbing. One day I saw that a friend posted on Facebook pictures of some kittens she had, and one was a pretty calico.  I had always wanted a calico and I immediately messaged her and told her I wanted that kitten.   Now I just had to convince Don that we should get a cat.   I think he was so worried about me that he agreed immediately.  Murphy would be getting a cat for a sister!  Lainey wanted to name her Daisy. The kitten brought some light into our home, but the news was bad every day.  Kentucky had many cases now and it was scary to think about Joey and Lauren working in Lexington where there were many positive cases.  Joey sent me a video one evening of military helicopters flying over and it sent me into panic mode.   I was sure the national guard was mobilizing.  That evening I started laying out the biggest quilt I had attempted and arranging those squares help take my mind off of the situation.  Mentally I tried to utilize coping mechanisms that I had learned through the years.  I had to just stop reading Facebook and all news stories to keep from crying.  I would fall asleep, but not stay asleep.  It was just so odd to think that every single human on the planet was wearing the same clothes of worry and fear.  From the lowliest person to the biggest celebrity, life had simply changed, and it was sobering to realize things had changed forever.  On April 30, Floyd County Health Department posts on Facebook that Floyd County has had 11 cases.

In the Rose Nylund part of my mind, my thoughts are sunny and uplifting.  "This will be over soon.  Families are bonding, it's spring!"  But the bigger part of my mind has to be Dorothy Zbornak.  Just like Dorothy in The Golden Girls, I can be dark and doubtful.  "This nightmare will never end!"  I am already having trouble remembering normal.     

May 2020

We were told that the heat of summer would kill the virus and slow the spread.  It was hopeful, maybe the hot summer sun will kill this damn thing!  Many posts on Facebook were made by folks looking for above ground pools.  Things like that were in high demand.  The thought was that the chlorine in pool water would kill the virus.  Because a lot of the things we want and need are manufactured in China, a lot of items were in short supply and high demand.  Such things are jigsaw puzzles, above ground pools, trampolines, bicycles, yarn and fabric were suddenly hard to find.    The virus was still here of course but the government started easing back on the restrictions.  Phase 2 began.  The first part of May non-emergent medical visits could resume with great restrictions.  Don was in the process of having skin cancer biopsies in March when the shutdown began.  The first part of May his dermatologist's office called and said they could start doing procedures again.  Don was their first patient back and I was not allowed in the building.  He had to get a Covid test prior to his appointment and he had to stay in the office while the pathologist was examining his specimen.  He was up there for many hours. I wish another part of his health care treatment plan would start back - ultrasounds of his kidneys.  His kidneys had cysts in them, and the worry was that they could turn cancerous.  This test was considered non- essential in the Covid world, and I worried about that.  In the middle of May Cam came to stay with us in Blackbottom.  We went to Jennifer and Matt's house and Jennifer snapped a cell phone picture of me and all 3 grandchildren.  It sure lifted my spirit to see them all at the same time.  I felt normal for a day, just one short day. On May 22nd restaurants could open at 33% capacity.  Tables had to be arranged so that everyone was 6 feet apart.  Masks were to be worn at all times except when you were actually shoveling food in your mouth. Regular menus were not allowed.  Some restaurants had a menu opened up and taped to a table so you could snap a picture or just look at them.  Some had paper menus you were to take with you.  There were no condiments on the tables, they even brought salt and pepper out in little cups if you requested it.  I'm sure the restaurant owners were conflicted by all of this after all, how can you make money and pay your staff at 33% capacity?  People were scared to go anywhere; would we ever be comfortable to eat out ever again?  Don and I had not been in a store since March, we had been using grocery, pharmacy and Wal Mart pick up services exclusively.  Our first trip back to the grocery store was fear filled.  I saw everyone as an enemy, as a threat to my health and Don's health and everyone we hold so dear. People didn't wear their masks correctly.  It was common to see a mask covering just a chin.  Even workers in grocery stores and restaurants didn't wear their masks correctly, some were even militant about it.  One local restaurant put up a sign claiming that they had employees who, for health reasons, couldn't wear a mask.  We avoided restaurants like that one.  Cam's second birthday was May 24th and we had a very small family birthday party in Joey and Lauren's backyard complete with Buzz Lightyear decorations, a Buzz birthday cake and presents.  Life seemed normal even though I still felt like there was a monster knocking at the door. In May the Floyd County Health Department started releasing on Facebook the daily totals of positive cases in Floyd Co.  This is disturbing as now it seems we are having a case or two or even three on some days.  Hopefully these individuals will follow the rules and stay home and recover and isolate the cases.  On Memorial Day weekend the kitten was old enough to come to her new home.  Jennifer, Ryan, Delainey and I drove to Martin to pick her up.  She and her brothers and sisters were happily playing, and we hated to interrupt their play, but it was time for her to come to her new home.  Delainey named her Daisy and we brought her home crying the whole way.  Murphy was a little freaked out but she's such a strong personality she never was afraid of him.  I know they'll be great buddies.  On the last day of May, Floyd County Health Department posts that we have had 17 positive cases in Floyd County.

May is the month for graduations and proms.  I grieve for the seniors this year.  Their senior year experiences are destroyed.  I've been reading a memoir called The Glass Castle.  It was written by a woman who overcame the odds to succeed after a tough childhood.   Her parents were crazy, she grew up itinerant, traveling as a kid all over the country, dirt poor.  The family finally ended up in Welch West Virginia, one of the poorest places in the country.  She recalled that she and her siblings never missed school even when they were sick.  They never told their parents if they had a fever because they would rather go to school sick, than stay in their shack and be hungry and cold all day.  They preferred going to school where they were ridiculed for their threadbare clothes and dirty appearance than starve and freeze.  How would the children of the Covid era write their biography?  I wonder how many of our kids would say the same thing.  Covid will alter the path of many.  

June 2020

No vacations this summer and no Archer Park pool.  As places start to reopen the case numbers spiral up.  Florida is eat up with it, so are other beach communities.  As for me, I'm nervously enjoying being in my home.  I get up in the mornings when I want, still early because sleep is not my friend.  I go out to my new flower garden and work in the dirt before the day starts to heat up. Vicki and I start swimming each morning around 10:30 and that's fun.  Sometimes in the afternoons we take a bike ride to town. I've never been a gardener before but I'm really enjoying the activity of a garden. Watching the growth of the plants each day fills me with a little hope but I feel like I'm wearing an emotional mask. I'm trying to smile and seem normal to my family but internally I'm broken.  Another situation we are dealing with is that our Pastor, John Carwell, has been transferred to another church and will be moving.  I can't even deal with that news.  To pass the time and calm my mind, I still am learning to quilt.  I've started my biggest project - a Darth Vader quilt for Ryan. Our anniversary rolls around.  We were supposed to go to a great concert in Louisville - Jackson Browne and James Taylor.  Cancelled.  And then my birthday comes.  No birthday cake, no party, no family, thousands of tears. Don is different too.  He acts like nothing is troubling him, but I know he's filled with anger and terror like I am.  I wish I could get him to talk to me! There have been 11 cases of Covid in June in Floyd County.  The passage of time begins to make it hard to remember what it was like before this nightmare began.  Memories fade of church dinners and Friday night date night.  It's difficult to remember what it was like to go to the mall or to a movie theater.  Or to church. I see our wonderful neighbors spend time with their children, but the one thing that has changed is that each set of parents sit on opposite sides of the street.  It's just terrible that it has come to this.  People are even afraid to go for their evening walks with their neighbor, the fear is powerful. Who knows what to call this damn thing.  First it was Corona Virus now it's Covid 19.  I've heard people call it beer virus.  I call it horrible.

Sometimes I walk and I see my shadow.  But my shadow isn't right, it isn't a mirror image of my upright stature.  My shadow is bent over, slumped, feet dragging, black as a crow. My shadow looks like an unkempt hag who has aged 100 years.

July 2020

On July 1, the Floyd County Health Department reports our 30th case of Covid.  They're starting to report where each positive case had been so that folks who had been at that church or that restaurant could protect others by isolating. It almost feels like it's a Scarlet Letter above the door of a business or household. I can't imagine 30 cases in our small isolated county!  The 4th of July is always a big deal in Prestonsburg.  Back in the 70's colorful posters would spring up everywhere; the James H Drew carnival is coming to town!  It usually started around my birthday, June 29, and would close at midnight on the 4th of July.  After what I'm sure was much thought and planning, it was decided that there would be a small carnival this year from July 1 - 4.  Strict guidelines were set up.  The carnival would clean and sanitize every inch of the rides between rides.   Masks were mandatory for carnival staff and guests and guests were required to stand 6 feet apart in lines.  Facebook was lit up with disagreements and the controversy was heated.   But the carnival went forth and to my knowledge no large pockets of people reported that they got sick after a visit to the carnival.  Unless except if they ate too much cotton candy!  Prestonsburg put on a great firework show that night, the weather was good and we enjoyed them from Burke Avenue.   In the middle of July Dance Etc. held an abbreviated version of the "spring recital".  This recital is usually in early June.  The recital was a sunny day in the midst of rain.  So good to watch Delainey dance again! The first week of July Dr. Anita Hale posted on Facebook that she was looking to hire a new office manager.  I pulled up what little bit of courage and confidence I had left in me and messaged her.   We arranged for me to come down and talk to the her and the girls.  It seemed like a nice place and I felt sure I would like it but I reminded myself many times that there would be many more applicants who would be younger than me.  A few weeks later Dr. Hale messaged me that she would like to offer me the job.  I was so excited that I had found someone who actually wanted me to work with them.  It renewed my faith just a little bit. My emotional state of mind would quaver often.  I was still burying my head in the sand, I didn't want to know anything.  It drove me crazy if I heard any snippet of news, fake or real.  So I was happy that I found a job but also worried about insurance and money and sickness.  I worried constantly about Don catching the virus.  He had to go to Ashland for a cysto appointment in August and that worries me.  This test checks his bladder.  At the end of July 2020 Floyd County has had 84 cases.  Individual businesses are posting when they've been notified that someone who was found to be positive visited their store on a particular day.  That would help people know when they needed to quarantine.  

I watched an old Twilight Zone Episode that was called The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street late one summer night.  In the episode its a beautiful summer evening.  The men of Maple Street are washing their cars and cutting their lawns.  The kids are playing baseball and riding bikes.  A man pushes an ice cream trolley in the street selling popsicles and fudge pops.  Suddenly things start happening, a running car suddenly stops and won't start back, lights go off.  All the neighbors rush to the middle of the street to talk about the sudden power issues.  In typical Twilight Zone fashion there's a twist; a teenage boy tells them that "the monsters" did it.  Little green men from outer space, after all that's what all the movies portray.   Soon the adults start to ponder and point fingers at each other.  One neighbor goes out late at night and stares at the stars.  "He's the alien!" one of the women cry.  This neighbor's lights suddenly come back on.  "It's him!"  they point and scream.  Covid reminds me of this episode.  We with shifty eyes sweeping back and forth as we hurry into the grocery like a rat seeking refuge.  "He looks sick!  She coughed!  That guy is sweating and it's not hot out!"  People don't want to comply with the mask mandates, they openly pull their masks down around their necks, defiant.  Is this the new normal? God I hope not.  

August 2020

On August 7, 2020 Don has to go to Kings Daughters Medical Center for a cystoscopy to check his bladder.  All was well at the appointment and we headed back home that beautiful warm Friday afternoon.   We would be meeting Joey in Slade that evening to pick up Cameron for a weekend visit.  I always looked so forward to his visits, my grandchildren are the highlight of my life.  Oh we had a fun weekend swimming and playing.  On Sunday morning I got a text from Don who was sleeping in our bed.  All it said was "help".  He was sick, super sick.  I couldn't find our thermometer and I was in full panic mode.  I texted Les Stapleton and asked for help because I didn't know what else to do.  He came down and brought a forehead thermometer from the fire department.  His fever was 103.8 and in my heart I knew he had Covid.  I've preached at Don for 5 months about the severity of this virus and his susceptibility to it.  Even Les's face turned white at the news, and he called the fire department and ambulance.  It's very hard for me to reach out for help and it's especially hard for me to tell my children anything bad.  I guess in my mind they are still my babies and I need to shelter them, but I knew I had to make those phone calls.  I especially was very concerned with Cameron since he was with us.  It was so unbelievable to see the FD crew suiting up in HazMat suits to enter my home.  I remember I walked toward the riverbank with Cameron, so he was shielded from seeing Don sick and being taken away in an ambulance.  Don texted me "I'm going to die" and I couldn't argue with him.  Joey arranged to leave work to come and get Cam. After an evaluation at HRMC it was determined that he had a UTI from the cysto KDMC had performed on him on the Friday before.  He was hospitalized for 4 days and the hospital was on lockdown.  I couldn't go visit, could not be there when the doctor made rounds so I could understand what was going on.  If we took food to him, we had to give it to an attendant at the door to deliver.  One evening his dinner never made it to him so we had to deliver dinner a second time.  It was a miserable week, one I wish I could forget.  Maybe that's what makes us old in the end.  It's the burden of the memories that bog us down and make us get older.  What I thought might be two weeks of a shut down has turned in to six months.  Six month of a vise slowly turning tighter and tighter.  Don's birthday is August 29th and Lauren's mom Karen shares a birthday.  So Joey and Lauren planned a birthday dinner at Malone's.  This was our first time out in a real restaurant in months!  We had a nice full table, Joey, Lauren & Cam, Karen & Keith, Ron & Lisa  and Don and I.  Lisa kept arguing with Don about how red his steak was, she likes to eat shoe leather!  We got a big huge slice of chocolate cake free from the restaurant as a gift to the birthday folks.  We laughed and talked and watched Cam with delight.  It was a beautiful day!  Of course, we had to check our temperatures at the door and we had to wear masks as we traveled through the restaurant, but other than that life felt normal that night.  Floyd County ended the month with 1 new case that day for a total of 146 since this nightmare began.

September 2020

I started my new job at Allcare Dental.   Everyone is so nice to work with but the nicest thing of all is that the patients are nice and normal for me.   I don't get cussed at on a daily basis and people have manners, it's a very different work environment.  We start daily at 8:30 and finish when the last patient is done, usually around 5. We are closed on Fridays. The timing is a little bit rough for Don and I, we only have one vehicle.  But like we've done for 40 years, we manage.  Sometimes I have to wait a few minutes for him, sometimes he has to wait a few minutes for me.  That's marriage.  On September 1, Floyd Co had 2 cases to report.  The numbers are rising and that's scary.  We still are laying low at home.   We did start going back to the grocery store, but we limited our time there to early morning or late night.  Too many people lately are not following guidelines.   I'll see people with no masks, and I'll see people with masks resting on their chins.  The common statements you hear are: "The virus is a hoax".  "It will be over after the election because it's a conspiracy".  "I never get sick!".  "This is all bullshit, I'm over it!"  "I don't even know a single person who has the virus, do you?"  I'm sick of it too but I'm too scared of it to let down my guard.  On September 12, Joey and Lauren invited us to Lexington for a day trip to Evans Orchard.  Gosh it was a fun day!  We played in the playground with Cam and petted the baby animals in the petting zoo.  There was a goat who loved Cam, it followed him around.  Afterwards we went to Texas Roadhouse to eat.  It's the second restaurant we've been in, and it felt nice.   And normal, well almost.  The restaurants can't have items sitting on the table and shared.  So, things like salt, pepper, and ketchup are brought to you in little plastic cups.  Menus are either paper or some restaurants have hi tech solutions; you scan a bar code, and the menu shows up on your phone.  Since I have Fridays off, I often go to Lexington to keep Cam for the day.  We often go to the playground at Jacobson Park.  Most of the adults have masks on and I find myself nervous inside when a little kid comes up to Cam.  I hate feeling that way!  September is a big month in Kentucky for monarch butterfly migration and my hard work in growing milkweed and planting flowers paid off.  I had many monarchs every day, feeding and laying eggs.   It was really neat.  Daisy is growing like a weed and loves to be outside with us.  It's hard now to keep her in the house.  Ryan is playing middle school football for Johnson Central.  The season is abbreviated and very not normal.  The school systems have certainly had many hard decisions to make since this all started.   Floyd County decides to start school in September and Johnson County decides to start in early October.  Kids are allowed to choose whether to do in person or online school.  Now how in the world are parents supposed to make a decision like that?  How do you have your child in online school daily when you have to go to work?  What if you don't have good internet service?  And what about the children who have horrible home lives and have nothing?   The school systems created a program where they run the buses and bring food and healthy drinks to each student 3 days a week and they bring many items, enough to last for quite a while.  What a blessing that is.  At the end of September, as the leaves start to fade and the sun goes to bed earlier each day, I notice the daily total on the Floyd County Health Department Facebook page. Now the "comfortably numb" feeling is starting to change to dread and mild panic.  Several experts warned that it would get much worse as the weather turned colder.  At the end of August, we were averaging 1 or 2 a day.  Here at the end of September are daily totals are averaging 6-8 a day.   Floyd County ended the month of September with 5 new cases on September 30, total cases is at 198.  

I think often about how this will affect Ryan, Delainey and Cam as they grow up.   Ryan and Lainey will remember these days, Cam hopefully is too young.  Lord, I worry about the virus, but I also worry about their mental health. The kids are still trying to do their activities, wrestling and dance, but it's scary.  It's very hard to be brave these days.  I don't want to give up my freedoms, but I also don't want anyone around me to catch this damn thing.  

October 2020

In eastern Kentucky October is fall festival month.  Seems like every town has their version of a fall festival.  Paintsville has Apple Day, Martin has Red, White and Blue Day and Prestonsburg has Jenny Wiley Festival.  These festivals usually begin on Wednesday of festival week and end with a big parade on Saturday and usually a concert out in the cool evening air that Saturday night.  Folks come out to support their school, their candidate or their beauty queen.  So the question for 2020 is: do we have festivals?  If we do, what safety changes do we make?  Paintsville decides quickly and early; no Apple Day this year.  This festival has been going for 50+ years, never been cancelled.  Prestonsburg city officials made the tough decision to hold the Jenny Wiley Festival with many changes.  The participants in the parade were to be in or on a vehicle.  No one was allowed to walk or ride a horse.  No candy was allowed to be thrown.  Temperatures were taken at different stations at the entrances to the parking lot. Chatter on Facebook was plentiful.  Some people thought it was a good thing, others thought it was suicide.  We are short of a lot of supplies, but not short on opinions these days.  Heaven forbid you disagree with someone.  In addition to the fear of the virus, the weather was awful, so Jenny Wiley Festival limped along like a broken toy.  The new job is going well.  Boy it's a learning experience, I'm working hard and doing the best I can.  Don is busy with all of his activities and he's having a lot of skin cancer surgeries, so he has many trips to Lexington scheduled.  I still can't go with him, and he has to have a Covid test right before each appointment.   We've found that Kings Daughters Medical Center does a throat swab test and that one is much easier than the nasal/brain probe, so he schedules them there.  If I ever need one, I'll go to Kings Daughters.  As I've said before, for my own mental health I don't watch the national news, I never have and I certainly avoid all news concerning the Presidential race.  Many, many people are arguing about it on Facebook, red or blue.   Social media for me continues to be about photography and games.   I believe I'm the person in the social media crowd who will post something funny or something beautiful, or my photography.   Those are the things that keep me sane lately.  So for October Facebook is a battleground for the election, bleh.   The end of the month is near and we are seeing the case numbers rise.   It's being attributed to church gatherings by the "experts" on social media.  There was a local church who held a multi county revival and many cases are attributed to it.  Halloween is near and that topic is a hot bed of discussion, do we have Trick or Treat?   As with everything else Covid related each town makes different decisions.  Pike County calls theirs off, Floyd County allows it with restrictions.  In Prestonsburg, we had Trick or Treat, but it was different.  Home owners were advised to place candy on a wiped down table. We are to use gloves to handle the candy, place it far apart and monitor it as Trick or Treat went on.  But I think most people left their houses dark, and didn't celebrate Trick or Treat.   The city had a drive through Trick or Treat in the Mac's parking lot and I think it was very successful.  But different, weird.  Thankfully kids don't overthink things, I'm sure they had a blast!  For my family we went to Lexington to spend it with Cam.  Lainey was staying with us that weekend, so we had a ton of fun walking through Lauren and Joey's neighborhood, neighbors and friends enjoying a beautiful fall evening together with their children.  Around the middle of October I heard a rumor that there were positive cases at the two nursing homes in Prestonsburg, both residents and staff.   That news is very alarming as well as the alarming trend for double digit daily case numbers.   On October 22nd we had 15 positive cases and the numbers kept trending higher each day in October. The Floyd County Health Department ended the month of October with 29 new cases and a new total of 480 cases in Floyd County.  Unbelievable!

October is the month for all things scary.  Coronavirus has made every month a scary month.  The first months were a shocking change to our system, cleaning, masks, shortages, "social distancing", "we can't be doing this" are the buzzwords. It causes my heart to jump when I hear those things.  Now in October, we are like sheep lined up, we don't even flinch when we hear of businesses shutting down, our circles shrinking, tightening like a noose around a neck.

November 2020

November started with a new case number of 25 new cases and a new total of 518 and more alarming is that there were 144 active cases.  We only had 198 total from April till September.  This thing is spiking!  Warnings are being sounded; stay home, wear a mask, wash your hands.  Stay home!   But people aren't heeding those warnings. I am constantly worried that Don is getting out too much.  The worry keeps me awake at night.  Internally I am distraught.  My sleeplessness has returned, my joy vanquished.  I am despondent.  The numbers continue to rise, so the governor closes the restaurants for the second time starting November 20.  It really doesn't make sense; you can't have a hamburger but you can run around Lowe's and Wal-Mart all day.  During the second week of November I find I have been exposed and I am to quarantine for 2 weeks.   This means I will miss Thanksgiving.  I am crushed.  I take my first Covid test 5 days after my exposure and I'm negative.  Don and I try so hard to do the quarantine the right way, but it's hard.  I am working alone at the office so I'm quarantined there, but we share a car, we have to be in the car together.  At home we sit at least 6 feet apart and I sleep in Joey's room.  I take my second Covid test on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  I'm negative again thank God.  I've been guilty of seeing 2 people in a car, each wearing a mask and laughing at them.  I never thought that one person may be in quarantine.   That's what this virus is all about; dividing families.  But as Joey & Jennifer both remind me, my quarantine isn't up until the Monday after Thanksgiving.  So Don and I have just a small Thanksgiving dinner by ourselves, Jennifer and her family order from Bob Evans and Joey & Lauren have a small dinner with Cameron at their house.  We spent the entire weekend at home, the only trips out were to the lake to look for an eagle to photograph.  Joey decided not to have the Blackbottom Bowl, first time in over 20 years that there isn't a Blackbottom Bowl the day after Thanksgiving.  On the final day of November the Floyd County Health Department reports 28 new cases,  797 cases in November alone, and a grand total for Floyd County of 1278 since this nightmare began.   On a personal level, I have several friends who are positive with Covid  Some report fairly mild symptoms, others are very sick.  

December 2020

Christmas will soon be upon us.  A new type of Christmas. Dance Etc. yearly performance of The Nutcracker has to be postponed.  There are some positive cases at the studio. Jody vows the show will go on at a later date.  No Christmas parade this year in Prestonsburg.  Santa is going to be at the park with modifications.  Richie has built a roll away plexiglass partition.  When a child talks to Santa, he or she will be several feet away from Santa. The partition will be there between them, then the child can turn toward their parent with a camera and the partition will be rolled away so the flash won't kick back on the plexiglass.   The park enjoyed their largest crowds ever this season.  On Friday and Saturday nights the line of cars entering the park extended back into town, and past Wal-Mart in the other direction.  Fire and police had to be out directing traffic.  The park was beautiful, and it helped raise the community's spirits a lot.  Santa is cool and I love him.  Restaurants are finally allowed to reopen on Monday December 14th.  What I wouldn't do to have a big ole steak!  On Friday, December 11 I drove to Lexington to get Cam.  He was coming to P-burg for the weekend.  The weather was supposed to be rather nice for December, so I planned to take him to the park. After we get back to Prestonsburg that evening Joey texted me that he had tested positive.  Don and I were terrified!  Of course, we've all accepted the fact that a positive test is always a possibility.  But now it had happened to our family.   The plan now was that I was to return Cam home.  I was to meet Lauren in Salyersville, and she would take him back home.  I cried the whole way back in the empty car.  I felt cheated of my time, I felt intense worry about Joey & his family.  Joey experiences mild symptoms, at least as far as he tells us, and Lauren tests negative.  We start to relax just a little bit. On December 16 the Pfizer version of the vaccine arrived at Pikeville Medical and the first round of employees received the vaccine.  Joey's quarantine is over on Monday December 21st.  For 10 days he managed to hide out in the basement while Lauren entertained Cameron and told him Daddy was on a work trip.   It had to be very hard on all 3 of them!  The week of Christmas was upon us, and we were hearing weather reports of a major snowstorm to hit our area.  We might actually have a white Christmas!  Imagine that, after the horrible, terrible year we had gone through.  Our Christmas plans are as follows:  I'm going to pick Cam up during the day on the 23rd so he can be with us to watch Santa Pop on the firetruck, then we will meet Joey at Slade so Cam can be home on Christmas Eve, then everyone is to be at our house for Christmas dinner.  On the 23rd we bring Cam and Joe Bologna's pizza back for our Santa Pop party.   Cam loved seeing the big firetrucks when we went to the fire station.   Lainey went with us to the fire station to watch Pop get on the big red fire engine and even though he's scared of Santa Pop, he likes him from a distance.  The next day, Christmas Eve, we meet Joey in Slade around noon because the steady rain of the morning is supposed to switch to snow by the afternoon.  We drive and watch the thermometer in the car drop like a rock from 50 degrees to 33 degrees when we reach Slade.   We hustle back home.  Around 6 that evening the snow begins to fall quite heavy.  It's beautiful but I worry that Joey and his family won't get to come home on Christmas Day.  We fall asleep asking Santa for an end to Covid.  It's my daily prayer to God.  On Christmas Day everyone arrives to our house around 2 but our cooking tasks start early that morning.  We have turkey will all the trimmings, a white cake with chocolate icing, peanut butter fudge, chocolate chip cookies and cheesecake.  We have the most beautiful white Christmas, just like a movie set.  After we eat and open presents, the kids go out to play in the snow, Cam's first big snow!  Cam stays with us as it's back to work the next day for Joey and Lauren.  Ryan and Lainey come back down the next day to stay while their parents go car shopping.  It was such a good weekend even though the clouds still hover above with Covid.    On December 30, 2020, I end the year with a trip to the Floyd County Health Department for my first vaccine of the Moderna Covid vaccine.  It was short notice, so after rapid texts with my medical dream team of Jennifer, Joey and Lauren I receive my first vaccine.  I will follow up with the 2nd round on January 27, 2021.  I was nervous to take it and nervous to turn it down.  Only time will tell if I made the right decision.  New Year's Eve was a quiet night, just Don and I, watching TV.  No parties, no midnight watch services at church, no fireworks.  On December 31st the Floyd County Health Department reports 45 new cases of Covid 19, total cases in Floyd County are at 1887.

There is a wonderful couple in our church who are dear friends.  Around Thanksgiving Sharon told me that Wayne was positive for Covid, then a couple of days later she tested positive and started to feel horrible.  Sharon recovered fairly quickly but Wayne's symptoms lingered.  On December 23 she had to take him to the ER.  On Christmas morning his O2 dropped, and he had to be put on the vent.  We couldn't go visit nor help in any way.   It's another blow to the heart.  Our new preacher isn't helpful at all but that's another story for another day.  I know I feel so helpless, I'm sure Sharon feels more helpless than us.  

In my imagination I see a huge forest fire sweeping the land.  I imagine the vaccine as a rain cloud.  Fat drops of rain slowly start to fall on the fire.  It's going to take a lot of splatters to kill the fire, at least we have a start.

January 2021

The new year has started but the only change is that we flip the pages on the calendar.   Covid still rages and experts are warning that we will see a spike after the holiday family gatherings.  Wayne begins to slowly improve and is taken off the vent on December 31, 2020.  Now he can start to regain his strength.  Praise God!  The numbers for Floyd County are already starting to rise.   There were 45 cases on January 5, 2021 in Floyd County.  As I said before, I hate politics but I have to recognize that our county is terribly divided over this election.  With Covid, local elections were inconsistent in the Presidential voting system and voter fraud is being alleged by both sides.  After weeks of confusion and law suits, it is determined that Joe Biden will be our next president.  This vote is to be finalized on January 6th and millions of citizens flock to Washington to protest.  Fights break out everywhere, protesters storm the Capital building and break in, the Electoral College process is in jeopardy.  Vice President Pence ratifies the election after the smoke clears later that evening.  But in the process 8 people die, many are wounded or arrested.   Our country has gone mad. During the first days of January, I get a Facebook message from a friend, Amy Zemo Broadhurst.  Amy is from Prestonsburg, and I know her, but only at a distance.  She has an offer for me for a possible job opportunity.  I don't even know her business, but I know that the dental office job is starting to wear on me.  I honestly don't like it, so I tell Amy that sure, I would love to talk about it.  She tells me that she will call  me once things firm up.  We will see what this turns into.  On January 5, 2021, Lauren gets her first vaccine and on January 21, 2021 Jennifer receives her first  vaccine at school and I'm so happy for that.  Now if we could just get Don his vaccine I would maybe breathe a little easier. The Nutcracker has been scheduled for the last week of January. There will be more performances so that everyone can see their child. There will be 2 performances each night, Act I and Act II and the Mac will be emptied and sanitized between.  Delainey is a gumdrop this year so we get to watch Act II. It’s an amazing thing really and what a love sacrifice for everyone dedicated to these performances.  I received my second vaccine on January 27th.  I had minimal side effects and I thank God for that.  I heard again from Sharon. Shortly after Wayne went home, his condition deteriorated.  Dr. Blake Burchett, who also is a family friend of theirs, makes several house calls and then decides its best if he is taken to Pikeville Medical Center for care.  His condition slowly worsens, he starts with a fever again, and is first put on a bi-pap machine.  Eventually he has to be put on a ventilator again.  My texts with Sharon prove how worried she is, we slowly as a church family begin to realize our worst fears.  On January 31, 2021 Wayne May goes home to Jesus.  We go home to cry.  Floyd County Covid totals for January 31 are 34 new cases today.  Total cases for Floyd County are at 2766 since the madness began.  

Facebook is a snide place of residence.  I’ve seen people post “Do you personally know someone who has died from Covid?”  I guess they like to insinuate that this damn virus isn’t real.  So yes I personally know friends who have lost their lives to the virus.  We are living a nightmare. 

February 2021

On February 1st, we see great news for the first time.  Floyd County's active case total for February 1 is 7.  This is the first day of single digit positive cases.  It's great news, for me it means the vaccines are working and enough people are getting them to start to see a difference.  Maybe those fat drops of rain are beginning to work.  The vaccination of health care workers who want the vaccine is nearing completion.  The teachers have received their first vaccine.  Now the health agencies giving the vaccine are working on citizens who are over 70 years old.  On February 18, the Floyd County Health Department announces that for the first time in months, we are an orange county again.  Praise God!

Amy calls and is offering me an opportunity to become a letter writer.  Amy owns a company that provides media and data sources for political action committees.  I get an email each day with a spreadsheet of names and addresses, and I write a letter in the name of each entry, either in support or opposition of an issue.   She will pay me $7.00 per letter.  Some days I write 100 letters, &700.00 per day!  It's not worth sitting at a dental office for $11.00 per hour when I can make this kind of money sitting on my couch, spending time with Don and Murphy.  

Don is having some major health issues.  After a trip to the ER, a trip to KDMC for a urology appointment, an MRI, it is determined that there is a tumor on his right natural kidney. If UK had been allowed to continue the bi-yearly ultrasound of his kidneys, this could have been caught much earlier!  Don had experienced pain in his left flank, and a major bleeding event from his bladder on a Sunday night. He urgently is schedule at UK with Dr. Strup, head of urology.  Our lives are thrown into turmoil.  He's scheduled for his first appointment on Tuesday, February 16, 2021.  And we are expecting the biggest ice storm ever to hit Kentucky on Sunday evening through Tuesday morning.  We decide to go to Joey's house on Sunday ahead of the storm.  We've had Cam through the weekend so we wanted to keep him safe.  On the way to Lexington we pass at least 75 electric company trucks headed in to eastern Kentucky.  It's a sobering sight.  On Monday, the brunt of the ice storm hits.  It affects eastern Kentucky severely with broken trees and downed power lines.  Life essentially shuts down for a day or so.  We go to the appointment with Dr. Strup on Tuesday and he is scheduled for surgery the next Monday, February 22, 2021.  Of course, he has to get a Covid test and that's schedule at KDMC on Thursday.  The problem arises that KDMC in Prestonsburg has lost power, so Don has to drive to Ashland for the test, but thank God, it's negative.  He's scheduled on Friday to get his second Covid vaccine at St. Joe's Martin.  But they notify us that due to the weather there will be a delay.  We have till March 12 to get it.  Hopefully Don will be up and about and be able to get that second vaccine.  Having procedures at hospitals during the time of Covid is difficult. I’ve read heartbreaking stories of friends and family during the times of Covid.  I've read stories of loved ones needing major surgery having to be dropped off at the door.  I've read of grandparents waiting in the parking lot as their grandchild is born.  There are awful stories of loved ones dying alone because their family wasn't allowed to enter the building.  But here, I can only speak of our experiences during Covid. We were to report to U.K. at 7am. on that Monday morning.  The waiting room for surgery is on the 1st floor.  First thing that morning we had to go through a check point.  Employees took our temperatures, asked us a Covid symptom questionnaire that we could recite in our sleep we've heard it so much for 10 months. We took our possessions with us to the waiting room because rule #1 is that you can’t leave the hospital for any reason after you pass through the check in area. They only allow one “designated visitor” and I have to wear a paper wrist band.  Surgery is on the 2nd floor so when they called his name, we had to separate at the elevator doors.  We are so freaked out about all of this and we've had serious discussions in the days prior to surgery, so we didn't say much. We shared a quick kiss at the elevator, then I dissolve as the doors close.  I am alone.  No one else is allowed.    The pressure, the tension, the anxiety is magnified by being alone in a roomful of strangers.  My dear cousin, Kris Ormerod, works at the hospital.  She manages to sneak in for a quick visit, God bless her.  I sit alone in the waiting room with my lap top.  At least I can work and earn money for us.   As the day drags on, I get very little news concerning the surgery, Don's condition; I also attribute this lack of communication to Covid.   Gone are the days of a nurse coming out to give you an update.  I am "updated" by looking at a monitor similar to the ones in airports announcing arrivals and departures.  All the monitor tells me is that he is in surgery, as if I didn't know that.  Joey manages to come to the waiting area late in the day after his shift, he's a sight for sore eyes.  Finally late in the afternoon I get word that surgery is over and is a success.  Relief, sweet relief floods my soul.   I know the upcoming days will be difficult, but we will do whatever it takes.  So again Covid impacts this terrible thing we are going through.  I am allowed to see Don in the recovery room for just a few short minutes, then I must leave the hospital.   He is allowed one designated visitor each day from 7:30 - 5:00 and a mask must be worn.  The kids aren't allowed to come and help, no one.  Don and I ware physically alone, but our family and friends are wonderful to communicate virtually.   Don was released from the hospital on Thursday, February 25th and we gratefully and tiredly limp home back to our little home on Burke Avenue.  Murphy rests his chin on Don's shoulder the whole way home. 

February ends with 2 new cases of Covid.  Our total cases so far are 3044.  Today there are 7 in local hospitals.  

February also ends with major flooding.   Heavy rain set in for 2 straight days, unceasingly.  Creeks overflowed their banks and the Big Sandy River swelled with excess water.   The back water overcame Archer Park, even encroaching the swimming pool and skating rink.  Water rescues were necessary all around us.  I know that suffering is part of life, but it seems that this past year we've all had so much suffering and despair.

March 2021

So with the flooding rains, March came in like a lion.  Jennifer and her family were fine from water damage, but they lived on an island for a couple of days.  Don is slowly getting back to his usual routine.  He pushes himself a lot and I can see he's tired but trying so hard to recover.   I realize that with March comes the realization that we've been living this virus life for about a year.  A year instead of the two weeks we were told.  I see little things in the language of the beginning.  The literature said that by isolating ourselves we could "slow the spread", and I guess I interpreted it as "stop the spread".  I now understand that stopping the spread was never possible.  It actually was hand to hand combat against the virus.  More and more people are getting the vaccines every day.  UK's goal is to vaccinate 4,000 people a day at Commonwealth Stadium.  Instead of touchdowns, we are counting vaccinations.  In Floyd County our numbers have dropped dramatically.  Floyd County begins March with 3 new cases for a total of 3047.    

April 2021

Don is slowly recovering.  He is starting to ride his bike some around town, he seems a little stronger physically, but mentally it's been a setback.  We are still afraid of Covid, but are getting out some, going to dinner at El Azul with Sandy and Al.  Al isn't doing well, I'm afraid.   Late in April, Don seems to be failing.  He starts to run intermittent fevers of unknown origin, and I notice that his eating habits change.  He only wants to eat carbs and ice cream.  He can't seem to tell my why, and I'm worried.   I remember one weekend when we had Cam.  We went to El Azul; Cam likes their fries and the cheese dip.  Don tells me he thinks he has a fever, and I run over to WalGreens to buy a thermometer.  He does have a fever, and it's terrifying.  I don't want to believe it, but it's obvious that there is something wrong.  Don doesn't want to talk about it.  Floyd County ends April with 7 new cases, and our total is 3344.

May 2021

Don is not well.  The pain that started the whole nightmare is back.  I never understood why he had pain in his left flank, yet the cancer was found in his right kidney.  In hindsight, I believe there was something missed early on.  I think his inability to get contrast administered during a scan may have allowed something to be missed.  After speaking with Ginger Osborne at Dr. Reddy's office, Don had an ultrasound on May 11.  The results were devastating.  He had masses on his left adrenal, liver, omentum - metastatic disease.  Ginger called Don on his cell phone to personally tell him.  I was outside and I heard the screams.  It was terrible.  We had lots of hard days, long nights, tears and more tears.  The days stretched long and hard, joy was gone from our lives.  He was scheduled at UK to get an MRI and CT on May 21, a Friday.  The day before, on Thursday, he had an appointment at the transplant center, and we saw Dr. Waid.  It was the last time we saw Dr. Waid.  He had been Don's doctor since the mid 1980's, and it was a sad day.  All of our days were sad days.  The results were again devastating.  Tumors had grown even since the ultrasound of May 11. May 23rd was Cam's birthday party, and it was so sad for us.  We tried so hard to appear normal, but it was anything but normal.  I could feel the tension emitting from Don's soul, it was a very difficult day.  We watched the other party goers having fun, while our hearts were breaking.  After the party, Don cried hysterically most of the way home to Prestonsburg.  I will always remember this day as a turning point.  At the end of May, the Friday before Memorial Day, Don's abdomen swelled, and we went to Dr. Swaty's office.  He had seen her one time the week before, and she had ordered a liver biopsy that was to be performed at Highlands the Wednesday after Memorial Day.  He had gained 20 pounds of fluid, and she sent us to the ER immediately.  His liver numbers were bad, his kidney numbers were bad, and he was admitted that night.  The following night, Dr. Reddy said he had to be transferred to UK, so after many people working hard to get him a room, Joey performed the miracle and got his dad a room at UK.  He was transferred by ambulance, and I rode alone to Lexington.  It was a terrible night.  He was in UK for 2 weeks, he had to begin dialysis again, he got the liver biopsy there, and the results were bad.   The doctors didn't come right out and tell us anything, but their eyes told me the story.  Don was going to die.  During that 2-week period, I would leave the hospital maybe once a day, to come to Joey's to see Murphy.  Don was not very talkative; he did not accept what was happening.  I didn't know what to say, what comfort could I give?  None.  After 2 weeks he came home, we both came home.

Covid numbers at the end of May - total number of cases were 3434.

June 2021

Our lives are in turmoil.  In retrospect, I did things all wrong.  I just couldn't face the truth, Don couldn't face the truth, and we lived in denial.  He got sicker as each day passed, and I felt like someone juggling knives, stabbing my heart every time one dropped.  I made mistakes in not being truthful with the kids.  I wanted to protect them, but no one can be protected where cancer is concerned.  I didn't ask for help, and I wish I had.  Don didn't talk about it; couldn't.  I can only guess what was going on in his mind.  We just survived.  Each day, he got sicker and sicker, it was hard to get him into the car each time to get him to appointments and dialysis. I had to rely on the Prestonsburg Fire Department for help getting him to the car and back into the house when we were back home.   Asking for help is very hard for me.  He had to go to the ER and needed to get a paracentesis to get the fluid off of his abdomen.  Dr. Forouzandeh came to CCU at night the first day we were there and drew off 3 bottles.  It was pure blood.  On that Wednesday we went back to Highlands to have a drain placed so he could get the fluid drained at home, again it was pure blood.  We started Hospice on Thursday.  They brought a hospital bed and after it was delivered on Thursday, Don got in it and never got out.  He never had a bowel movement, never peed, started to vomit blood, it was my worst nightmare.  Don refused to talk about it, and he left me without a word of advice or encouragement or love.  After minutes that lasted hours, hours that lasted days, and days that lasted for weeks, Don passed away on Sunday morning, June 27th.  

I made the decision to hold Don's funeral on June 29th - my birthday.  It was a hard decision, but it was the right one.   I felt we were all so broken, so exhausted, that it was best to just move forward. 

Our world, from a Covid standpoint, the numbers were lower in June.   But there's a new variant, Delta, and it's worrisome that it will get worse.   Total cases in Floyd County at the end of June is 3469.  Regulations per the Methodist Church has laxed a lot.  We are allowed to have a dinner after the funeral, and masks are optional.  I was surprised to notice after visitation that I didn't wear my mask, and I hugged many, many family members and friends.  I was honestly surprised by that afterwards; I didn't even think about Covid - the one damn thing that had gripped my life for over a year - it was now an afterthought.  

July 2021

July dawns hot and sunny.   The days are a blur, those first few days as a widow.  There are forms to sign, bills to pay, decisions to make. And there are things to learn.  I had to learn how to pay our bills, I had never worked with online banking and bill pay.  Don had always paid our bills because I was working full time, and he had more time to spare.  I was really worried about our finances.  During Don's illness, he had not shared with me the details of our financial situation.  He would often say things like, "When I die, honey, you're going to be a rich woman!"  I always laughed and forged ahead; I had no ideas the details of any insurance policy.  The kids worked hard to clean Don's desk and look for a policy, but we found very little.  Jennifer found some info and made a phone call.  She came back in the house with wide-open eyes - Don had 2 insurance policies, totally around $275,000.00.  We had no idea.  The funeral home confirmed Jennifer's findings, and we were in total shock.  

Everyone had to start their lives again, people had to return to work, school was about to start.  I was numb.   I started working from home again. I worked on quilts again, but it was just from habit.  I didn't know how to start to live again.  It was me and Murphy and Daisy.  I spent some time in the pool and worked a lot on my butterfly garden.  I cried endlessly.  At first, I think I just felt some relief that Don wasn't in pain, and that honestly, I didn't have to deal with kidney disease and cancer anymore.  Then reality starts to settle into my heart and brain, my husband has died, and I am a widow.  Don fought kidney disease for so many years, to succumb to cancer is mind-boggling to me.  All the things that we wasted time worrying about - Covid, another transplant, skin cancers, AFib, - everything was over.  

The Covid numbers were starting to rise again in Mid-July.  On July 21st, the FCHD announced that Floyd County had gone in the red zone again, moving from yellow to orange to red in a matter of 7 days: an alarming rise.  

On the last day of July 2021, FCHD announced that we had 45 new cases that day.  Twelve were in the hospital, and there were 267 active cases.  Six out of the 45 cases that day had been vaccinated. Our grand total to date was 3794. Since I worked from home, I decided not to get out of my house and shop in any store.  I did online shopping again and grocery pickup.  

August 2021

Jennifer and the kids return to school, as did Cam for pre-school.  After much debate by school boards across the state, most school systems start in full, on time.  No provisions were made for students to be home schooled.   Masks had to be worn except during lunch time when they were eating.  If a student tested positive, some students who had been near them while the masks were off had to quarantine.  

Personally, I am limping along in a fog.  Most days, I cry.  I find myself looking at old pictures of Don on my phone.  Some evoke happy thoughts, while others make me sad.  I have pictures from during his illness, and for some crazy reason, I am drawn to gazing at them daily.  Maybe I'm trying to convince myself that it really happened, I'm not sure.  I ordered a headstone.  How do you sum up a person's life on a rock?  Someone you loved, held, kissed and watched sleep for 42 years has left this earth.  It's hard to accept.  It's also hard to accept that you are alone, and likely will be for the rest of your life.  Don and I had a back scratcher and we had lost in a few months back.  Now a back scratcher was a necessity because I had no one with me to scratch an itch.  Don always painted my toenails for me.  It was an intimate time of closeness for us because we often drifted into our own individual worlds.  It was a few minutes of time together.  I don't have that anymore.  I don't have anyone now to make me a piece of toast in the morning with lots of butter or run to Dairy Cheer for a coke.  No one to hold me at night and kiss my forehead.  I'm lonely, so very lonely.   

Al Gunter is a dear friend of ours.  He and Sandy have been together over 30 years, and he has been slowly getting sick.  He has a liver disease, and it has progressed rapidly.  On August 6, Al passed away.  Don's dear friend, my dear friend has died about 6 weeks after Don passed.  It's so stunningly awful.  I spend as much time as I can with Sandy, she has always been there for me.  She was right by our sides during Don's last days.  I don't deserve her friendship.  

We were to celebrate our anniversary in 2020 by going to a concert to see and hear Jackson Browne and James Taylor.  The concert was rescheduled first to June 27th - the day Don passed away.  Ironic?   It was re-rescheduled till August 13, 2021, and Vicki said she would go with me.  The first part of that week the numbers started to rise again, and I figured that the concert would be rescheduled again, but it wasn't.  We went to the concert in Louisville, it was bittersweet.  Both artists sounded great, but their songs evoked many tears. 

At the end of August, our numbers exploded.  On one day alone, we had 91 positive cases.  Totals at the end of August were: 80 new cases on August 31, 17 in the hospitals, 15 of the 80 are fully vaccinated, 26 are under the age of 18.  Grand total for Floyd County since the nightmare began is 5,216, and August has the highest number of positive cases ever at 1,411.   

September 2021

The days of September are very hot.   On Labor Day, 2 things happened.  I decided to paint my kitchen cabinets.  I had gotten quotes which were high to me, so I just did it myself.  I think I did a good job, I painted them grey.   Then, Vicki and I decided to adopt 2 kittens, brother and sister.  They are yellow and practically identical.  We named them Tigger and Roo.  They give me a diversion, however momentarily, from my sadness.  Sometimes it's hard to be sad around kittens.  

Jim Matney is the football coach for Johnson Central.  He was Matt's coach in high school and a mentor to Matt.  Jim has contracted Covid, and as the hot days continue, and football begins, Jim's strength fades daily.  While we are at an 8th grade game in Belfry on a blistering hot September Saturday, Jim has to be put on a ventilator.  The Eagle community is shattered.  

My monarch garden is at its peak and monarchs are starting to arrive in eastern Kentucky.  I often go looking for monarch eggs on the underside of milkweed leaves on Stonecrest, Dewey Lake, the airport at Inez and the Mountain Parkway.  Don always used to drive me on my searches, now I go alone.  Just another thing I must do alone.  I figure it's either continue to do the things that I always loved alone or sit at the house.  

PHS football teams decides to honor Don with the first annual Don Willis Volunteer Award.  The first winner is very deserving - Dr. Blake Burchett.   It was very emotional for me to be out on the field again, this time honoring my deceased husband.   

I start grief counseling with a kind counselor.  I don't know if it will help me much, but I figure it can't hurt.  Sometimes all I can do is cry.

At the end of September, we had 28 positive cases on Sept. 30.  At the end of September Jim Matney passed away, leaving a wife and two young sons.  Our lives are forever changed.  Our total cases to date were 6565.  September was again a very active month with 1349 positives in September.  

October 2021

As fall approaches, I want to start taking pictures again.   I know I need to get out of my funk and live my life.  I look back at photos from falls of the past, and I see that I had an eye.  Now to only get it back!  Dennis Walker called to ask me if I wanted to accompany him, Ted Meadows, and George Tussey on a short trip to Gatlinburg to photograph fall foliage.  I happily agree.  The trip is planned for the weekend after Jenny Wiley Day.  I'm excited at first, but as the date approaches, I start to feel apprehensive.  It just doesn't feel right, and in the end, I decide not to go.  Maybe later I'll be strong enough, not yet.  I do decide to travel alone for a day trip to Cumberland Falls.  It's a beautiful place on a beautiful day.  But I'm restless and unsure of myself.  I end up coming home much earlier in the day than I had expected to.  I know that I have to do these things, these small tests, but it's so very hard.  

I do attend the Jenny Wiley Festival, Don always loved the festival, and as I ride my bike uptown, I am awashed in tears.  Something hurtful is said to me on that Saturday that knocks me back at least 25 steps.  Honestly, it throws me into a depression that was deep and painful.  I try to forgive and forget.  

I have a ton of monarchs in different stages of change.  Some eggs, some caterpillars, some chrysalides.  Change, I don't know what stage of change I'm in.  The egg stage, I think.  

I decided a while back to make each of the kids a Santa quilt.  I finally found enough fabric to make two Santa quilts, now I have real work to do.  

In October, booster shots became available.   I received my booster on October 26th, at Total Pharmacy Care.   I had some side-effects.  I felt bad that night, had chills and was very sleepy.  Floyd County totals at the end of October: Five new cases, with total cases of 7123.  Boosters seem to be helping the numbers.   

November 2021

The month of thankfulness.   I want to, I must, find ways to be thankful.  I don't want Don's death to be the deciding factor in my life, the event that deepens the chasm between me and the world.  So, I choose to be thankful, remember the good times.  I have dark days, but I try not to speak of things depressing.  

Amy's husband, Joe, has been sick for a while with a lung disorder.  He has started to drift downhill, and a CT reveals that it has morphed into lung cancer.  He passes away right before Thanksgiving.  Sadly, I have another "sister" in grief.  

Joey and Lauren host Thanksgiving dinner at their house.  Murphy and I drive down on Wednesday afternoon to help in the preparation for Thanksgiving dinner.  It was a very nice evening.  Jennifer and her family drive down on Thanksgiving Day.  Lauren's family come and eat too, Karen, and her dad Steve.  Ron and Lisa drive over from Owingsville too, and we had a nice Thanksgiving afternoon.   I brought a pillar candle to light to honor Don's memory and have him represented as with us.  Covid isn't even discussed.  

I so thankful to have Sandy in my life.  She and I are constantly talking and texting, walking and crying together.  We keep a close check on Sharon May.  All 3 of us are suffering, grieving.   Below is a copy of the Floyd County Health Department update on Facebook for November 30, 2021

November 30, 2021, COVID 19 Update

New Cases: 31
Total Cases: 7560
Active: 226
Fully Vaccinated: 10
In hospitals: 4
18 and under: 11
Floyd County remains in the red zone with a rate of 45.35
We are offering COVID vaccines for adults aged 19 and older tomorrow so please call for an appointment at 606-886-2788.

December 2021
I now have to face Christmas. Watching someone else portray Santa would be very hard for me, I realized. Don's friends, Shag Branham and Rick Hughes volunteer to do Don's Santas gig for the city and at Archer Park. Somehow, I manage to get through this pre-Christmas Santa time with little trouble. I went with Joey, Lauren, Karen and Cam to French Lick Indiana to ride the Polar Express. I knew that would involve meeting Santa, so in that regard, I dreaded it. My therapist recommended to me to take a token of Don with me on the train ride. I took a sprig of mistletoe with me. Don wore it on his Santa hat. It helped to know that I had part of him with me in my pocket.

I get to watch Delainey perform in "The Nutcracker". Since I work from home, I am able to help Jennifer get Lainey to the school matinee performances. This year, she is old enough to have a solo role. This year she is a maid in the opening party scene. She is beautiful, and a beautiful dancer. I am so proud of her! Don loved "The Nutcracker", and I think about him as I sit and watch her perform.

I didn't have much ability in my heart to shop for Christmas presents. I felt like such a loser because I didn't have good presents to give to the people who I love so deeply. We celebrated Christmas here at my house on Christmas day and I lit Don's candle in his honor. Joey and Lauren wanted to take a family picture. Normally, I am the one pushing for that. We went into the back yard and Jill got all set up to take the picture. Joey and Lauren counted to 3 and they yelled, "We're pregnant!" Oh, the joy we all felt, and the picture that Jill took is priceless.

I cooked a lot of food, turkey and prime rib, everything homemade. I guess if they didn't have arms full of presents, they left with full bellies. Jennifer and I were supposed to take Lainey to NYC to see The Nutcracker - that was my present to them. But Jennifer's car was stolen from the hotel in Cincinnati, so we didn't get to go. That ordeal affected me greatly. It caused me to go into a deep depression. Covid was raging again, a new version - omicron. The numbers are huge, somedays Floyd County has 150 cases. The symptoms appear to be milder; it seems most people are reporting cold-like symptoms.

Grief comes in waves, I've been told. I believe this is true for me. There are days that I feel almost normal, and I can look back at my life with Don with good vibes and positivity. Then grief will hit me again like a big ocean wave, knocking me to my knees. My family doesn't understand, and that hurts almost as bad. I feel like I'm speaking a foreign language that they don't understand, and don't want to hear. So, I am alone in my pain with no one to talk to except for Murphy. He listens. I don't even know how to pray anymore. All I know is that for the first time in my life, I'm glad Christmas is over.

December 30, 2021, COVID Update

New cases: 36

Total cases: 8186

Active: 211

January 2022

A new year with the same old problems. Covid is still raging, and Don is still gone. Sandy and I eat an early dinner at Brickhouse, and we go home to our empty houses. I didn't even stay awake till midnight on the 31st. I still work for Amy, but it isn't a busy time of year, so I don't have much work to fill my days. It's a cold, dark January, dark by 5 o'clock. The evenings are long and lonely. I spend the month staying in, quilting, reading, crocheting, and crying. Nobody wants to be around me, I understand; I don't want to be around me either.

Ronald calls one morning with terrible news. His mom, Don's mom Shelby, has been taken to the hospital in Indiana. That's not anything new - she suffers from a lot of medical problems. But this time the news is devastating - she has Covid. There's nothing that they can do for her, and she passes away around 2 am. Covid has erased the possibility of a wonderful celebration of life. The pandemic is raging again, and everyone is afraid all over again.

I have been thinking about getting another cat. Tigger and Roo are definitely Vicki's cats, they come for a visit, but that's about it. I would love to find a special cat who enjoys being a lap cat. Karen Slone messaged me one evening that she knows someone who has found such a kitten. They believe it's a girl, striped tabby. I agree that she can come and live with me, and again Delainey and I start to think about names. Denise, the one who found her, brings her to me in early January. She's scared at first, especially of Murphy. But slowly she comes around and starts to feel at home. When Jennifer comes by a few days later to see her, she quickly determines that the kitten is in fact a boy. So, we change his name to Alex, and he becomes my best buddy. He lays in my lap all the time, and sleeps with me. Daisy, at first, hates him, but she is slowly coming around.

I continue to look at the Floyd County Health Department totals. It seems toward the end of January we are in triple digit numbers of positive cases. But the mainstream public seems oblivious of this fact. No one is wearing a mask anymore. I go to events to watch the kids - wrestling and dance competitions. I rarely see a mask, and there are hundreds, maybe even a thousand of people in these venues. Most people are now willing to take the risk. Covid, it seems, just isn't as scary anymore for most people. I notice that the grocery stores have removed their floor stickers meant to remind us to maintain 6-foot distances. Restaurants are seating people in booths and tables close together. Movie theaters are open again - the ones who didn't close down forever. The majority of people are willing to risk catching Covid, to just live their lives again. I agree with them. I'm tired of being afraid. My life hovers between fear and grief, and it's just not right to live one's life that way. So, I go to wrestling meets and stay sometimes 12 hours. I take pictures of Ryan and his teammates, and I scream "Go Ryan" as often as I can. I try to make myself sit with others and not be scared anymore. I want to be brave. I can't make the grief go away; Lord knows I would if I could.

The Floyd County Health Department post at the end of bitter January:

Update Saturday 29th- Monday 31st, 2022

New cases: 190

Total: 10,205

Active: 905

Vaccinated: 92

18 and under: 68

In hospitals: 32

We are no longer contacting or trying to contact all positive cases due to the escalating numbers. If you are positive or having symptoms, you should isolate in the home to avoid infecting others.

February 2022

I dread Valentine's Day. I change the television station when a commercial comes on for Kay's Jewelry or a florist company. But I did get Valentine's flowers - Cam sent me a beautiful vase of fresh flowers. I start to at least start to think about the coming spring. I call Darrel Sparks and he's going to come and plow me another flower garden for the front of my house. Thoughts like this start to energize me. Lauren's pregnancy also gives me energy and hope. Sandy and I join Pro Fitness and we work out 2-3 times a week. She goes to babysit Ella often, and I go often to Lexington to keep my buddy Cam. We have fun together. Ryan is wrestling every weekend, as the wrestling season is winding down. I go to Montgomery County, Georgetown, and Winchester to watch wrestling meets that last all day. He finishes fourth in the state in the high school division. I'm very proud of him. I know that Don would love to be with me. I hope that he can watch in Heaven. I hope he knows about the little baby girl who will be joining our family - Olivia Kate. We have the gender reveal at my house, and the house is full of family and friends. Cam was supposed to stick the pin in the balloon to reveal either blue or pink confetti, but in the end, he didn't want to do it. He watched as the balloon popped, spilling pink confetti all over the den. He cried, "I wanted a brudder!", as everyone laughed and watched.

The Prestonsburg Basketball team decided to honor Don at the Homecoming game. Joey came home for the evening with Cam, and Jennifer and Lainey were free to go to the game with me. The team had on identical t-shirts, and we were all given one too. The surprise was that they had Don's likeness on the back of the shirt. It was a beautiful tribute, and I am always honored each time I realize how this town honored and respected Don Willis.

The days are starting to lengthen, it's getting lighter earlier each and every morning. The birds start singing around 5 each morning, and the geese have paired up two by two. Some days it's 60 degrees, and the next day it will be 25 degrees. Ah, Kentucky weather!

Covid is still here, but again I notice that folks don't care as much. It's slowly becoming a topic that just isn't discussed as much.

February 28th Update for 26th, 27th, and 28th.

New Cases: 34

Total cases: 12466

Active: 254

Fully vaccinated: 12

18 and under: 8

In hospitals: 22

Numbers are dropping! Now is the time to get your booster or start your series.

We have appointments open Wednesday so call 606-886-2788.

March, 2022

March comes in like a lamb, with nice warm weather. In January I started a temperature quilt. I cut many, many 3 1/2 squares of different colors, and I made a chart of what colors to use. From purple for single digit temperatures, to magenta for 90 degrees days, I will mark the year 2022 in a colorful quilt. I use white for days it snows, and I will mark holidays and birthdays as well.

On March 12, we reach the two-year anniversary of the pandemic. Originally, this blog was to end on March 12, 2021, and I had given my blog the title "2020". But Covid didn't stop, so I didn't stop either. Two years. Life and death. Decisions and mistakes. Grief and despair - hope and grace. Covid changed us all. It changed me into a person who now knows true suffering. Hopefully, I know how to have more compassion toward others, and I'm learning how to care better for myself. My prayer is for each of us to live each day to its fullest.

Covid is still with us. Here is the Floyd County Health Department post for March 12th.

March 11, 2022 Update

New cases: 8

Total cases: 12607

Vaccinated: 4

18 and under: 2

In hospitals: 17

Our next update will be Monday March 14th.

If you test positive remember isolate from others and stay in for 5 days after the test day.

Whatever the future holds, please know that I love you all and I wish love and peace to everyone.